the lust episode

*heavy sigh* sit down let’s talk about it 

🤎 1 Corinthians 10:5 🤎

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello everyone. Welcome to Eden Citizen. My name is Brie, and you know, we're just gonna hop right into the topic today. Um, I'm gonna skip the small talk, and we are talking about lust. Um, yeah. I yesterday I felt like this was something that had been placed on my heart to talk about, and I was like, are you sure? Because yeah, um, yeah, we're just we're just gonna jump into it, okay? I'm it's pretty self-explanatory, but I wanted to start off by defining lust. Um, of course, went to Google and it actually had a really good definition. It said, scriptures on lust define it as a sinful internal desire of the flesh and eyes, distinct from godly love, that leads to spiritual death and separates individuals from God. Okay, so this kind of sets the foundation and is my first point as to how we can not allow lust to have a stronghold over us. Lust is not from God, okay. It says in 1 John 2, 16, for everything in the world, the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life comes not from the Father, but from the world. This is important because there are a lot of people walking around here, and I'm guilty of this as well, who genuinely believe that the cure to lust, if you're a believer who is abstaining, the cure to lust is to get married and to be intimate with your spouse. Like, you know, it's like you really struggle with this, and you're just like, this will all go away when I get married and I get to have sex, okay? Um, and I feel like this scripture so plainly supports the idea that that is just not true, um, because lust doesn't come from God. Lust is very distinct from desire. As humans, most of us whose bodies are functioning in a healthy way, we have sexual desire. It is what it is. Uh, it aids in procreation. There's a biological reason why you have that desire. That is very distinct from lust. Lust is selfish. Lust is, you know, self-gratifying. It is totally focused on you and not about anybody else. And if marriage was the cure to that, if being intimate with your spouse was the cure to that, then it would go against everything that the that the Lord, you know, kind of defines when it comes to marriage, which is serving each other. And so I think that's important to highlight because I know that if you genuinely believe that the only way to cure lust or the only way this will go away is to get married and is to be able to finally be intimate, that's agonizing to walk around every day if you don't know when you're getting married, especially like if you don't know when or if you're getting married, that is agonizing walking around every day feeling like, oh my gosh, I'm just gonna have this thorn in my flesh until who knows when. Uh to deny your flesh in this area. If your thought process is the only way I can get free, the only way that this will be cured is marriage, and you don't know when or if, or maybe you do have someone in front of you, but you don't know when, or maybe you do know when, maybe in what is it, six months, right? Like that's a long six months to be walking around with that thought process. So I want to start off by dispelling that lie, and hopefully that can help someone because if you know that, okay, even in marriage, this could still be a struggle for me. If I view intimacy in a way that is very self-focused, there is a hundred percent chance that I'm dealing with a human being who doesn't have the exact same makeup as me, the exact same desire in the same way as me. And so it doesn't help me to just be self-gratifying in this area. Like I'm gonna have to um serve the other person, whatever that looks like, and so yeah, I think like that's the first point I want to hit is that marriage is not the cure, intimacy isn't even the cure, and you can be free now, you can let go of this now, and what does it even mean to like be delivered from lust? What is that, you know, what does that even mean, right? Well, I was having a conversation with someone, and they were telling me how they felt like this particular issue was something that they didn't know if they could ever conquer. Like they were like, I just feel like my desire is stronger than everyone else's. Like, I don't see myself ever being free from this. Like, this is just a really hard thing for me personally. And two things came to mind. The first one being that I realized that this person had a faulty view of what it looks like to be delivered or to conquer lust. Um, they viewed it as an absence of sexual desire. Like you'll just be walking around and you know, you'll be cool, no desire whatsoever until your wedding night, miraculously. And again, if you are a healthy, functioning human, you are gonna have desire. I think the vital difference between someone who is, you know, delivered from lust and maybe someone who is still in bondage is that for the person whose deliverance, lust and desire does not consume their mind and their heart. It doesn't consume their day-to-day. Desire may come up, the thoughts may come here and there, but it's not all consuming. It doesn't determine their thoughts, it doesn't determine their behaviors, it doesn't have them doing things that they wouldn't normally do. That's the difference between someone who's in bondage and someone who is delivered from lust. It's not the complete absence of sexual desire. And so, again, if you know, maybe that's a belief that you have. That's just not a thing. Um, and hey, you know, maybe there is someone or people out there that are walking around just completely desireless. I feel like that would then make them eunuchs. Like, I don't know. My point is that deliverance and freedom from lust simply looks like again, not being consumed by this self-gratifying, um, selfish desire, this covetousness that is like a weed that is planted in our hearts. That's what it looks like to be free, truly. If you still have desire, great. That's that means that you were created the way that you were supposed to be created. Um, because there's a purpose in that. But I think that was the first thing that came to mind. Another thing that came to mind was something I learned in grad school whenever they taught us how to do group therapy. Um, they talked about one of the biggest benefits of group therapy is universality. And universality is a therapeutic factor where pretty much everyone in the group realizes, or people in the group realizes, that they're not alone in whatever their vice is. And so this works particularly well in groups that are centered around like addiction, um, because people think that they're just the worst. They're dealing with it the worst. There, they, there is nobody out there who is experiencing this the way that they're experiencing this. And it's very therapeutic and very healing for people to realize that they're not the only one, and that there are other people who are also going through what they're going through. And taking this to lust and even going back to what I said earlier about opening up to people, I think this is a big one where a lot of people feel like they're the only one. And in this particular conversation, this person thought that they were the only one or that they were dealing with this in a worse way than a lot of other people. And this just creates this lie that you're this, you're just this disgusting, shameful person, and you know, you're abnormal, and nobody else is going through this the way you're going through this, and you know, why are you like this, right? Sometimes that that thought may come up, and that only spirals. We all know that shame makes things worse, and so when it comes to lust, that makes it worse. It it causes you to spiral into shame, and then you're in the dark, and then you're not sharing with anyone, you're isolating, and it's just getting worse, it's just growing. And so I think what comes to mind is that not only is desire completely normal, but I want to validate the people that are really struggling with this or seem to be struggling with this, maybe feel like they're struggling with this at a higher level than everybody else, which is probably not true. But if you do fall into that category, um, I just want to validate you by saying that we live in a really like hypersexual society. Um you know, I don't want to like compare to like the 90s or anything like that because we all know that they were hypersexual as well. But it's something sinister, it's something sinister about our society in particular. 2026, right? This day and age where it is no longer subtle, like sexuality, specifically um sexual content, is being pushed into the forefront of people's uh visuals, um, whether it be like billboards or online music videos, it's it's no longer subtle. Like I think in the past, maybe it was like implied, but now it's literally just forward-facing. Here it is, like, you know, it's out there. And I think that aids in people really struggling with this on a different level because it almost feels like you couldn't avoid it if you tried. And you hear so many people's testimonies about them being exposed to things like without their own consent, like seeing something and they didn't even mean to see it, because things are being pushed for so forward-facing. And unfortunately, I feel like we're gonna hear more stories like that because again, it's almost like you have to be super intentional. It you do have to be super intentional about avoiding that content. When it used to be, okay, don't walk into that that store, don't watch that channel, you know, don't buy that video. Now all you have to do is go on social media. All you have to do is drive outside and you look up in those billboards in like those hick towns where they're like trying to direct you to the strip clubs. Like, that is that not insane. Um, but I think it's not funny. It's not funny, but my point is we live in a society that is extremely hypersexual, that is extremely freaked out, and so it's understandable if this is a like really big issue for you, if this is something that you constantly struggle with. And I want to start off by validating you, and I want to start off well, then say that I want to encourage you that you can be free from this. Um, it is possible. I think with the society we live in, you just have to be extra intentional about uh guarding your heart, guarding your ear gates, guarding your eye gates, um, and setting yourself apart because that's what the Bible calls us to do, that's what it calls all of us to do, is to set ourselves apart. But I think even extra in this current day and age, you really have to be intentional about setting yourself apart. If that looks like not watching something that everybody else is watching, then so be it. If it looks like you not being on social media, then so be it. Okay. I know that that may be a big sacrifice for some people, but listen, I had to get off Twitter. That's that's all I'm gonna say. I had to get off Twitter. It was getting, it was, it was getting insane. And so, yeah, do what you need to do. It's it is that deep. Like, and I think when people would say that, I'd kind of be like, okay, we get it, but like, no, for real, especially when it comes to lust, like it's that deep. If you want to attack it, if this is something that you want to work on, um, definitely do what you have to do and don't feel weird about it. Like, you just need to do what you have to do. Um, so yeah, I do want to read a scripture that came to mind, um, or I'll explain. I was looking through my God's promises for your every need book, which I love, and there's a chapter on God's promises for singles, and this scripture came up, and I was like, ooh, I feel like this would be a good scripture to discuss. But this is 2 Peter uh one, we'll start out with 1.3. By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence. And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature and escape the world's corruption caused by human desires. In view of all of this, make every effort to respond to God's promises. Supplement your faith with a generous provision of moral excellence and moral excellence with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with patient endurance and patient endurance with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love for everyone. The more you grow like this, the more productive and useful you will be in your knowledge of Lord Jesus Christ. But those who fail to develop in this way are short-sighted or blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their old sins. Okay, I know that was a big chunk. But when I first read this, just looking at the top part, he has given us great and precious promises. And even in three, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. I think that's so important to remember. Sometimes we can, or I'll speak for myself. I have looked at singleness as a lack of something, whether it be a lack of partnership, a lack of companionship, a lack of intimacy. Okay, I think that's a big lie as well. Like there's the lie that marriage and intimacy cures lust, but there's also the I guess the I don't want to call it a lie, but the thought that singleness is simply a lack of getting to have sex. And I say that because it's true. I think a lot of people genuinely view singleness as that, especially when it comes to dating. Sometimes we view dating as simply like, okay, I get to be with this person, but I don't really get to be with this person. And let me just say that that is um that's also agonizing. And I think that also makes lust ten times harder to deal with if you're simply viewing your life as a lack of, you know, getting to do something. If anything, that's what um that's what the enemy first tempted Eve with in Genesis. He talked about, you know, your eyes will be opened. Um, and so God is hiding something from you, he's keeping something from you. Sometimes that's what we believe is that like my life is just God withholding this thing uh until I get to partake in this thing. And everybody else who gets to partake in this thing has made it, and they're just every desire is satisfied and fulfilled, and so I'm just waiting for that. And again, I think it creates this like just agonizing, torturing um cycle in your mind where you're constantly battling your own desire and you're constantly being consumed by lust because you simply, instead of viewing the beauty in this season, instead of looking at all of the beautiful things you get to partake in and all of the wonderful, you know, aspects of this season, you're just focused on the lack and what you don't have and what you don't get to do. And again, it makes it grow. It makes it actually grow because it's just another way of allowing lust and allowing sexual desire to consume your thought process. Whether you're looking at it as like, I can't wait until I can or I can't right now, because that's another thing. Sometimes we're we just you're so focused on not doing it, doing it, that you're inherently focused on it. Okay, it's like when someone's like, don't think of a banana. Okay, what are you thinking of now? A banana, right? That was probably not the best fruit to use, but my point is that as much as we focus on like not thinking about it, not doing it, not giving in, sometimes it just makes it consume you more. And so it comes down going back to scripture. Do you believe that he's truly given you everything you need for living a godly life in the season that you're in, in the time that you're in? Um, yeah. You just have to know that you have everything you need. I think there's a song, it might have been um, I know it's Kanye West, I think it's Sunday service, but it's like we have everything we need. That's that's true. That is actually really, really true. Like we have everything we need. And so if you don't have it in this season right now, um, then you don't need it. Again, not trying to invalidate anyone's biological functioning because your body may convince you, your flesh may convince you, hey, I need this thing, I get it, and that's a very real feeling. But again, it we just have to have the reminder that we have everything we need for living a godly life. Uh, if you wanted you to have this thing in this season, if he wanted you to experience um intimacy, then you would be experiencing it, or you would have the legal right to. Um, yeah. The scripture continues by saying, supplement your faith with a generous provision of moral excellence and moral excellence with knowledge, knowledge with self control, self control with patient endurance, and patient endurance with godliness, godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love for everyone. I really like this part because I think when we hear moral excellence. It can sound really unobtainable for a lot of people. I know for me, moral excellence sounds scary. I'm like, hmm, would I consider myself a morally excellent person? That seems like a very high bar. I don't know if I'm reaching that. But I think by including the fruits of the spirit, you know, self-control, patient endurance, um, godliness, love, you know, by including that in that scripture, it makes it obtainable and gives you practical steps as to how you can pursue moral excellence. Uh, so what does that look like with lust? Well, we practice self-control. How do you practice self-control with patient endurance? Patient endurance with godliness and brotherly affection with love for everyone. All of these things go hand in hand. So self-control is a fruit, right? We have to build self-control. We have to work on self-control. Well, you can work on self-control with, you know, patient endurance, having patience in the season that you're in, rather than viewing it as a uh means to an end, as okay, I, you know, this is just temporary, and you know, in this amount of time, this is gonna happen and it's just gonna fix all of my issues. Endure. Endure, endure with godliness, right? Um being more like him and pursuing ways that we can be like him. Practically, I think that looks like rather than being consumed with your desires and consumed with lustful thoughts, see how you can replace that with consuming yourself with the Lord. That's also a quick caveat. Um, one thing that we do in therapy, especially with people who struggle with addiction, we say, like, okay, in order to get past this thing, sometimes you have to replace it with something else. And so not only are we going to equip you with medication to kind of deal with your addiction, but we're also gonna give you coping skills. And so, same thing with lust, I believe that you don't just leave yourself empty. You don't just, you know, pray the desire away or pray the lust away, and then you know, it is what it is. No, you replace it. So if that looks like looking listening to worship 24 hours a day, or every time you get in the car, um, or having your Bible open, like you know, spending more time with him, listening to sermons, um, you know, just doing what you have to do to make sure that you're consumed by the Lord, then that's what that looks like. Uh I think that's just like the most helpful tip that has worked for me, um, with a lot of different things. Um, obviously with lust, but even with, I think about recently I've implemented there are certain weeks in the month, and I'm not even talking about for my girls, you're gonna understand. For the guys, if there's any guys listening, this is your time for education. Okay, there are some certain phases that we women have when it comes to our cycle, and there is a week in the month where genuinely I feel um psychotic, and I I hesitate to use that word because you know, the meaning of that word, but genuinely I feel unwell, right? Not even talking about that time of the month, it's another week, crazy, right? Not even that week, but it's the week before, just to get specific. And so I've realized that in that time where I literally feel unwell and where I'm easily agitated, uh, and where things are just chaotic, I have had to get off social media. And for many reasons, but I think the biggest reason being that whenever I take social media breaks, it forces me to be consumed by other things, specifically consumed by the word of God because I'm bored. So I end up doing things like starting new devotionals, like watching Christian podcasts, like pulling up sermons, listening to worship music because I have nothing else to do. I can't scroll on TikTok, I can't scroll on Instagram, right? And so my initial uh purpose in getting off social media was to make sure that my mind is regulated, right? By like not being on social media. But I realized I made the connection that in that week where I'm feeling like all of this, you know, chaos is in my brain and in my body due to hormones. Um, I have to replace that with, you know, godliness and learning about him and growing in him and spending more time with him. And in replacing that, it makes me feel better. And so I use that very long-winded example to say it's the same thing with lust. You have to figure out how to replace that um intense feeling that you have, the intense experience, you have to find a way to replace it and be consumed by other things because ultimately, going back to what I said in the beginning, bondage being enslaved to lust is simply being consumed by your desires. And so we're finding ways to not be consumed, not the complete absence of desire, but to not be consumed by it 24-7. Okay, I could go longer, but my computer's about to die. So I really want to end off this episode uh with a scripture that has been really helpful for me in this season. And it is 2 Corinthians 10 uh 5. We destroy every obstacle that keeps people from knowing God, we capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ. I think whenever we talk about sexual immorality, a lot of people refer to the scripture that's like flee from sexual immorality, and like that's just a practical way to kind of conquer lust. But in my experience, um, for me, taking my thoughts captive has been the biggest help when it comes to lust, when it comes to comparison, when it comes to anger and frustration and overthinking, like we really have to take our thoughts captive. Um and I truly, truly, truly believe that you know, lust starts in your heart and in your mind, and then again, it dictates some behaviors and it leads to sin, it leads to an overflowing of whatever's in your heart. And so if we can capture it on the thought level, if we capture it before it even gets there, I think that can really, that really helps personally. I would say it has helped me, and um, I believe that that helps a lot of people. Um, I thought about this because there was a video and this girl was talking about like adult content, and she was talking about her struggle with watching adult content, and she was saying that she started identifying the feelings that she was experiencing before she actually would engage in watching the adult content. So for her, she noticed that it was a lot of times where she was stressed, um, or she was frustrated or she was sad. Um, that is the time when she would reach for, you know, this vice. And in identifying that, it was really helpful for her because she was able to again implement things instead of you know engaging in that, she was able to implement things whenever she noticed she was feeling that way. So before even had the opportunity to develop into this behavior, she was able to captive, take captive that thought and deal with it. And I think that is so crucial when it comes to lust. I think if you're able to kind of put the stop sign up, if you will, when the thought first comes, it can really stop a lot of things, or it can at least slow down a lot of things. Um, another therapeutic activity that we do when it comes to anxiety is something called thought stopping. And so oftentimes I'll encourage patients that whenever they experience an anxious thought to picture a stop sign and actually physically stop the thought. So they may have to say out loud, like stop, you know, they may have to speak to it, amen. Okay, this is why I say psychology is really is a lot of psychology tips or a lot of things that we practice are just biblical um ideas that have been named something else. Um, I won't go down that that rabbit hole, but my point is that I believe thought stopping can be really helpful when it comes to lust. So whenever the thought even pops up, whenever you start to even picture it, whenever you start to, you know, imagine whatever it is that you imagine, stopping the thought at that level, and you know, hey, even if you have to say out loud, stop, or I rebuke that, that is something practical that can really, really help when it comes to dealing with lust. Um, and you know, taking your thoughts captive is just such a crucial thing because the mind, the mind is very tricky. It really is. And I would say most of sin, whether it be that we experience in ourselves, or even if we look back in the Bible, a lot of sin starts with like a thought that someone had. Um, or again, going back to Genesis, the thought that the enemy planted in Eve's mind, which led her to, you know, bite the apple. So, or give the apple to Adam. Let me be biblically correct. My point is that, you know, it's the thoughts that then birth the sin, or birth those feelings, which then can lead to the sin in the behaviors. Um, and so yeah, take take those thoughts captive, okay? Notice whenever you're feeling some type of way, like notice where that comes from. Maybe you're stressed, maybe you're hungry, maybe you need a nap, or maybe you don't need a nap, maybe you need to get up and walk around, um, you know, exercise, you know, but definitely focus and work on taking your thoughts captive. I think in every area that can be extremely helpful. Um, as an overthinker, taking my thoughts captive has been life-changing. Um, and specifically, like the word says, teaching them to obey Christ. And so bringing up scripture that combats those thoughts. That is the key uh when it comes to taking your thoughts captive. So, yeah, at this point, um I think I'm gonna stop here. I pray that this episode reaches people that it needs to that need to hear it. Um, I pray that seeds are planted and that people feel freedom and feel lighter after listening to this episode. And yeah, I hope that you have an amazing day. Love you guys.